Howdy partner!

05:17 pm

School is over!

And what did I do on my first night of summer?
Watched Wallace and Grommit with me daddy.
Yeah. I'm exciting.

And what did I do with my second night of summer?
Going to dinner with Kristi and Mrs. Goodman.
Yeah. I'm exciting.


The boys are over. Nathan was being mean, so I stopped that one, turned to Anthony, who was fun, then horrendously weird (I thought all our differences would make it entertaining for awhile, but it ended up just making it waaaaay too much work- super conservative Italian Catholic boy with 5 siblings and super, super, super involved parents) so I closed that one off this afternoon. Now, free to travel and....yeah, back to where I normally am on the boy front. Without one. But that's good, this was all waaaay too distracting.

Of note though: since it happened to me and has since happened to one of my friends: If you date multiple people, you lose the one you like.

I love you all!

And. It's summer.

PS- Marian, I have a dress to give back to you!

Current Mood: bouncy

09:19 pm - vrooom.

Ha...Vice makes me laugh, and smile....

"""We are not cute. We are beautiful, but not cute. Powder is cute, but she is also a vicious pit bull. Cute goes for, like, a second. It is very temporary. We like eternal.

All songs are love songs. It's like this humming melody of a million songs when you're in love and you haven't discovered it yet but you're always humming it, and you would like to know what song it is but it's all the love songs in one. "If I was a sculptor, but then again, no!" We love that one. ""

http://viceland.com/issues/v11n4/htdocs/the_vice.php <--- if you have time, go read that. It's just fun and completely random, and Kristi sent it to me and I almost peed my pants.

I know none of this is deep, and it's all just wasting time, but my brain is shot shot shot shot shot. (It gets a nice rhythm if you read it aloud).

in the words of the upper school play: HE did it!


I got nearly everything I wanted. All at once. I'm an unintentional dating gluttion with the tragic flaw of having no clue what i really want. Or of having a vague idea that is currently slightly out of reach.

Current Mood: dorky

12:22 am

Except for finishing Mrs. Goodman's nursery...today was terrible and I don't feel like writing about it. So I copied Marian's survey thing, but I can't remember how to make the linky thing and I'm too tired and grumpy to really care so I'm just going to paste it and I'm sorry for cluttering up your friend pages and I'm about to go to bed...I added some comments to a few.

[ X] Am afraid of silence
[XXXXXXX ] talk a LOT when I get really nervous
[X] am really ticklish
[ x] Am afraid of the dark
[ ] Am afraid of facing my back to open doors at night....... (used to be)
[ ] can't sleep in a room if the door is open
[ ] am homosexual
[x] believe in true love
[ ] have run away from home
[x] listen to political music
[x] have collected comic books
[x] shut others out when I'm sad
[x] Have stayed out all night
[x] open up to others easily
[x] am keeping a secret from the world
[ ] watch the news....... when I have time….
[ ] own over 5 rap CDs
[x] love Disney movies
[x] am a sucker for green eyes
[x] am a sucker for brown eyes
[x] am a sucker for blue eyes
[ ] don’t kill bugs
[x] curse
[ ] have "x"s in my screen name
[XXXXX] have slipped and fallen in public
[x] have slipped out a "lol" in a real conversation
[ ] love Spam
[x] bake well........ fairly..my mom’s the amazing one
[ ] have worn pajamas to class
[ ] have owned something from Abercrombie
[ ] want a better job
[ ] love Dr Phil
[x] like multiple people... GAH…issues out the wazoo
[ ] am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS
[x] am self-conscious
[x] love to laugh
[ ] loved Lord of the Flies
[ ] have cough drops when I'm not sick
[ ] can't swallow pills
[x] have a lot of scars
[ ] can't sleep if there is a spider in the room...... I can sleep in nearly any situation- and it’s just gotten worse lately
[XXXXX] love chocolate
[x] bite my nails
[ ] am not comfortable with being me
[ x] play computer games when I'm bored

I HAVE…

[x] Gotten lost in the city
[x] Thought of suicide before......... but mainly in the “what would people say at my funeral” Tom-Sawyer-context
[ ] Seen a shooting star
[ ] Had a menage a trios...... Ha! Seinfeld…..
[x] Talked on a phone for 5+ hours
[x] Gone out in public in my pajamas
[x] Have kissed someone really strange
[x] Hugged a stranger....... I thought she was my mom…
[ ] Been in a bloody fist fight with someone of the opposite sex
[ ] Been in a fist fight?......... My brother and I never really got that violent
[ ] Been arrested
[ ] Laughed and had some type of beverage come out of my nose
[x] Pushed all the buttons on an elevator
[X] Made out in an elevator
[ ] Swore at Liberace
[ ] Kicked a guy where it hurts on purpose
[ ] Been skydiving
[ ] Been bungee jumping
[ XX] Gotten stitches
[ ] Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour
[x] Bitten someone
[ ] Been to Niagara Falls
[x] Gotten the chicken pox
[ ] Crashed into a car........ Got crashed into today actually…not so much fun
[ ] Been to Japan
[x] Ridden in a taxi
[ ] Shoplifted
[ ] Been fired
[x] Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
[ ] Stole something from your job
[ ] Gone on a blind date
[ ] Had a crush on a teacher/coach
[x] Are a grammer Nazi
[ ] Celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans
[x] Been to Europe
[ ] Slept with a co-worker, and/or employee
[ ] Been married
[ ] Gotten divorced
[x] Saw someone/something dying
[ ] Have a list of people you want to kill (even though it’s in my head)
[x] Driven over 100 miles in one day
[ ] Been to Canada
[x] Been on a plane
[ ] Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
[ ] Thrown up in a bar
[x] Eaten sushi
[ ] Been snowboarding
[x] Been ice skating
[x] Cried in public
[ ] Walked purposely into traffic with your eyes closed
[x] Liked someone even though you knew you shouldn't have
[x] Thought of someone a lot
[ ] Hated the world
[x] Love(d) someone who doesn’t realize it............Loved is too strong of a word though.

Current Mood: cranky

11:37 pm - Queen!

Had my 15 minutes of fame today.

Yay springfest!

Current Mood: content

10:00 pm

I felt....oddly popular this week. Some sort of alternate social universe. I dunno. I suddenly went from no boys to three, and I think I really do like one. But I'm trying not to. Campaign week's been fun, I was one of the freshmen's campaign manager, and it was seriously one of the most amazing things I've ever seen. This 5 foot nothing little girl (who looks like she's 8 in that oh-so-cute way) standing around in a puppy costume directing us with a completely straight face. She even had a little red nose. And puppy dog feet.

My mother is obsessed with Hallie. We made about 130 dino shaped cookies of various neon colors. And, btdub, they were pretty durn amazing.

I think it needs to be tomorrow night, right now....

09:23 pm - Better!

I am better. I have much work. I have boy issues. I'm a government dork. My sleep schedule is whack. Nothing has changed. Except i lost about 4 pounds? Christine's mom was the one who got really worked up about this. It's really not the diet i would recommend, but now it is over, and I am good again.

Fashion show went well. Everyone is just so kind.

I caught my mom in a web of circular logic. It was amazing, and I actually won a small spat between us. Macho deal in 16-yr old land, where every other time we've gotten close to that point she says "I can't deal with this right now!" and leaves the room and then the argument is just ended there.....


P.S. I love talking. Especially to you. All of you.

Current Mood: awake

11:11 am

I'm so sick. So sick. When i have more energy i'll explain. essentially, i can't move.

Current Mood: sick

08:29 pm - This...this is me loving you!

Does anyone know the whole "there once was a girl from Nantucket..." joke?


I'm about 3 hrs South of DC with lovely people. I'll be spending the rest of the week looking at schools I don't really have any interest in attending, but you know...DC is fun.

On the boy side, I finally had the "wtf are you doing" conversation, and I was under the impression that that was that that that that that. But then all the sudden he's interested again, I saw him briefly on Thursday night, I had been busy all afternoon/night and he had school the next day so we hung out for about 1/2 an hour and he's starting text messaging constantly- and his spelling is terrible. Definitely not so appealing, but I think he's just lazy with the phone typing. Ah, the more technology advances the more ways boys can find to avoid actually talking to girls.


I want to go to the zoo and see the polar bears.

Zinners!
I love you and your Happiness!

Current Mood: satisfied

07:38 pm - Exorcism

Tonight at dinner. My mom told me that all my running running is a form of escapism. And the thing is, I think I was well aware of it. But I'm not sure.


Story of the day: My English teacher is very, very pregnant. And another girl and I are painting an alphabet border around the wall of her nursery- all the letters are in the shape of things. Ex: E is an elephant with his trunk, arm, and legs sticking to the right, A is an alligator jaw. So, I, laden with art supplies, am headed up her walk in my church clothes (including my favorite skirt and heels) when, due to my burden, I do not see a large dip in her driveway. Go flying. Got bloodied. Kicked off heels and run for door, attempting to lift skirt out of way and not cover myself in blood (I didn't want to freak her out). Get to door. NO ONE ANSWERS. Stand, bloody and confused, in front of her house. Find small note, and spare key. Go inside and frantically search for bandaids. Become very happy no one saw me. Go back outside, retrieve shoes. Paint letters.

Later, she, her husband and son came home, and Reid would croutch in the corner of the room, hide underneath the bed (he was so excited that we were there but too shy to look straight at us), and yell constantly. At some point, he ran out of animal noises to make and started yelling random phrases. Which was fine, and hilarious (the kid is adorable), but then, he started yelling part of the apostles creed, like...

RAAAAHHHRUHHHHHHHFORGIVETRESPASSESKINGDOMRUHHHHHHHH


And it sounded just a little bit too much like the exorcist.




P.S. I'm struggling to get the nerve to call the bipolar valentine and say something I might regret, but something that will give me the freedom I need most desperately. He makes thinking clearly an impossibility.

Current Mood: contemplative

09:21 pm - things

Big range of emotions today.

Happy-I'm still so excited about Austin- winter formal was amazing and today we went over to his house to film his movie- a host of amusements-including him showering fully clothed, locking himself in his closet, and jamming out to his favorite Snoop video.

Tired- always.

Angry- still majorly pissed at myself about boy situations. I just let this guy walk all over me- then I apologized to him. I called Kristi and just essentially yelled into the phone, becaue I couldn't believe myself. The more I think about it the more I boil inside. It's my first reaction, when someone is mean, to just assume that I must have caused it in some way. And I guess that's a good way to think sometimes, but the more I think about it, the more I realize that I didn't do anything wrong. I guess I always thought that I knew I was worth more than that. But I guess I don't really know that, because I did what I always thought was just so, so, so dumb.

Pensive- I wrote a whole thing on the relationship between Paul Simon's Graceland and religious theories of mine. I was kind of proud of it. And kind of obsessed with Paul Simon. "You don't feel you could love me, but I feel you could."- from Gumboots off the Graceland album. My dad apparently once opened a senate hearing with that quote.

Sad- A complicated connection, but one of my brother's friend's mothers passed away. I never actually met her, but I knew her son some pretty well all the time they were in high school, and ben was always the type of boy I thought I'd like to marry. He's calm and consistent and slightly nervous with a dry sense of humor and an amazing intellect. And it just pains my heart to think of what he's going through right now. He always seemed so much wiser than the rest of them.

Bens have a tendency to do that. Sometimes its well-founded, but sometimes it just isn't at all. Elizabethtown the movie said to never get involved with a Ben, they're smart and oblivious and way too complicated. I just found out that that was definitely true about one ben (hence the anger at myself for not realizing it sooner) but this other one, I think he really is what he seems. I really think he is.

Current Mood: numb

05:22 pm - Rolla Coasta!

Last night, I had a dream that U2 took me to a crappy/creepy version of six flags.


Needless to say, coolest dream of all time.

Current Mood: complacent

11:27 pm

I just spent the last of my christmas Itunes gift certificate on all sorts of Wilco. I always plan to save it. But Wilco. They Called. And I just had to answer.


Finished the Unbearable Lightness of Being! and wow. Due to severe lack of eloquence, I'm unable to formulate my thoughts.

There are some books. Where you finish them. And suddenly realize that you do hardly anything. There's a need in me to make a connection with someone, to take the demented souls of tomas and tereza and sabina and convert them into something real. To comfort the young girl with her spectacles and hold the dying Karenin. I miss my time to read.

Current Mood: contemplative

10:42 pm - and now for the main course...

So. The other night my mom dragged me downtown to the Harold Ford Jr. party, and I just knew I was going to be the only person under 25 there (correct) but then, I decided that instead of just sulking, I would stalk the extremely attractive waiters. Only, I'm not quite flamboyant enough to be a good stalker, so I'd just wait until he came by with his little tray of food and I'd take something every time. problem: he had the oyster tray. I hate oysters. I took like...5. Then I would wad them up in my napkin and wait until the cute waiter carrying the tray for used napkins and empty cups came around, and hand them off to him.
So I guess I'm going to hell for being shallow and wasteful.
And I guess the waiter thinks I'm a huge pig.
But.
The good news is, I got a really good pun out of it.
I was really just hungry for...

wait for it..


Boysters!


ha. I haven't been out of the kitchen in 2 days. If anyone wants to partake of the massive amount of cookies at my house or see how pretty i look with flour in my hair, feel free to stop by and give me a blessed break.

Current Mood: amused

05:30 pm - A Tale of Two Commercials

So I'm watching MASH, which is amazing, btw, and I'm lucky enough to witness these commercials:

1) Two well-kept women at lunch. One of them lifts up a thing of broccoli and declares "This is all it takes for me to get gas!"

2) Urine-Gone. That should say it all. But, it get's even better. If you order immediately, you got this black light to find the hidden stains. Then! Then! they shined it on the wall! There was pee on the wall! And not just a spatter...nooooo...a ton! Someone has terrible, terrible aim, and that's all I have to say about that.

Current Mood: devious

08:06 pm

This is for Zina, because she has said that there's only one reason she looks at my journal. And for marian, because...you know...

Current Mood: lethargic

11:28 pm - rest of the pictures!

I got through New York last time- though, sadly, the picture of the naked cowboy refused to load.   He wasn't completely naked- but his underwear had NAKED COWBOY written across them- which must count for something.

( rest of the pictures )

Current Mood: content

12:42 pm

Yeah, so I was in Monteagle, TN for a week. But it wasn't even like an outdoorsy retreat. Mom cheated. It was this, basically, subdivision in the middle of the mountains with lots and lots of story-book houses and even more hand-painted kids born of a designer gene pool running around and around and around and around. I stayed inside the cabin and read. But wait, I couldn't really stay inside the cabin, as in the midst of this little story book haven with its yellow and white paneled houses and well furnitured front porches, we got the One That Smelled Funny. And was gross. And I kept waking up and finding different sorts of crap on the sheets that were supposed to be clean but weren't. And that, well, that was just really, really disgusting. But there were good parts. And eventually the cleaning people who were supposed to have come before we got there came and then the cabin smelled a little less, but still rocked like a boat when you walked across the floor.
But..I got to go to Nashville. I spent most of the day with Lisa, going around to cheesey stores and trying on large plastic sunglasses (Alex, I bought you a present!). Then guitar shopping with father and brother; We bought one for me. It's not my favorite, you know, I kept on expecting to feel something when the right one came, like a sort of inanimate-object crush, but I never did. Or at least not for one in my price range. Which I guess is the same problem I have with my crushes on actual people. But, I then got to go to dinner with chess boy! Who didn't have a car, so my family (the caravan version with the van and the CRV) went and picked him up at his house, and it was slightly awkward, and it turns out that he gets loud when he's nervous. It's always my favorite thing to discover people's nervous ticks.

In Atlanta now.

10:13 am

Ah, just got back from New York and a writing class at Columbia. It was amazing, the city, all the people (well, almost all, there were some really snooty ones at the Museum of Natural history, but everyone else was great), Columbia....I think I really like it there. I definitely still need to tour many more schools, and I know Columbia is extremely selective, but maybe. There's lots more to tell, about the Gay Pride Parade, the swashbuckling ballet, the stunning Shakespeare in the Park, and getting motion sickness in a theater.

But today I leave for a little place in the middle of nowhere where my mom has rented a cabin for a week. We're leaving on my birthday- dad and I to head home, mom and doug to Atlanta. All I really want right now is just a little chance to sleep.

Current Mood: apathetic

10:35 pm

I carry my camera in my purse....all the time.  The greatest tragedy is when it runs out of batteries.  I shove it in everyone's face like a the rabid picture-mongering gerbil I am.  You haven't had a shower? I don't care.  You're rolling around on the floor in pain? that's cool too.  I have pictures from everything.  For instance, today, we have documented history class (where 3 people in a row were wearing red shirts- it just begged for it) the "bop-it" party in the hall, lunch, alix's cats, general study party pictures, the fake ninja/mantis fight....  And as I'm running down my camera's battery filming the "bop-it" finals I guess it struck me that I'm trying to make memories.  My kitchen is covered with the paper scraps I'm using to make the seniors' scrapbooks, my camera's photo card is always full, I have over 800 pictures saved on my computer (and this is just from January until now).  With all the pictures, with all the books, with all the notes I write and the e-mails I send, I'm just trying to make a mark.  Like, in I heart huckabees when he plants the pictures of himself in the archives.  But I'm not using pictures of myself, I'm forming a book of my life, the story of my average day, with the faces of everyone around me.  Trying so hard to leave a record, to let someone know that I was here.  As we go into APs (studying history, where even the most noteworthy of a generation becomes just another name to memorize) and the senior's leaving, I snap even more pictures.

Current Mood: quixotic

09:49 pm - .....

My tummy hoits.  It go gurgle...urrrgle...and... schmurrgle..

Current Mood: nauseated